Harry Potter and The DeathlzZzzzZzzzzZZZz

Let me go ahead by stating up front in perfectly clear language that everyone can understand: I hate this movie.

Now that I got that out of the way, we can go into the particulars of why I am dead set against the first half of the last film of the Harry Potter series. However, I have to further state that I've only watched the films, have not read any of the novels. Because movies should stand on their own people. Yes, they can compliment the written word, but they are their own medium.

And it's not like I have been a huge fan of Harry Potter all along. I mean, sure I went to see each and every movie in the theatre pretty close to opening day. And there are ones that I like more than others. (Prisoner and Goblet are the bestest)

But this half of a movie, is so terrible I'm not sure where I want to begin. Perhaps, I should start with the concept that there is this need they feel to touch upon every little cornerstone of the series history. All the remaining characters, even the most minor, need some screen time or else diehard fans will be upset. Boo-frickin-hoo! The pacing of this thing was already going to be tragic since it's only the first part of the finale, now we have to visit every little corner we've been to before?

Then there is our main trio, Harry... Ron... Hermonie. Any semblance of prior character development seems to have been eradicated here, save for the strong Hermonie who tends to grow just a touch every time. Harry has been stuck in one-note-central for three films and poor Ron went from comedic relief to hardly much of any use at all.

And don't tell me these problems are because of how the story goes. That since they aren't at Hogwarts, that because they're outlaws on a journey on their own this is the way things are. It's not that. It's the lazy direction of David Yates. For some reason, they decided to deviate from changing directors, and gave the last 3... or 4 films depending on if you're counting these things separate or as one. And because of that, everything on set no doubt became so familiar, who really needs to bother anymore? We'll just coast through Part 1, rake in some money, and then maybe do a better job on Part 2. People will show up regardless.

Well fuck that.
And fuck this movie.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1 grade: F

The Social Network is so Anti-Social

With dialogue that flies at you with a frenzy as fast as it is funny, "The Social Network" is absolutely captivating if somewhat disturbing. There's not a single likable character portrayed in the film, and yet you'll likely be hanging on the edge of your seat trying to root for someone... perhaps Zuckerberg, perhaps not.

I, myself, was excited to see Justin Timberlake, as his portrayal of the creator of Napster just oozes charisma and fun. Every scene he's in he steals with as much gleeful abandon as his charm allows. Scenes shared with Brenda Song are some of the best I think this film has to offer.

Only, characterization really is one of the few things this film has to offer. While some would like to point out the brooding score via Trent Reznor, or others reflect back on that quick chirpy script by West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin, I have to say I'm not really that excited about the story about Facebook.

Bouncing off court hearings, is probably a nice way of doing it, but there really has never been a great way to show people typing things on computers in motion picture. I mean, not unless you're Crash Override or Acid Burn or something.

Still, "The Social Network" gets serious points for those characters and a story that's modern and relevant. And while the script may never really be as clever as it thinks it is -- it can really be boiled down to just one line "If you were the ones who created Facebook you would have created Facebook" -- it's certainly an extremely well crafted film.

The Social Network Grade: B+

Let Me Go Watch The Original

The movie opens with humongous lettering and blaring horns as a sorry substitute for a score:

LET
ME
IN


And any subtleties of the original film are blown away from the start.

If "Let the Right One In" the Swedish film based on the chilling novel by John Ajvide Lindqvist was a cheese, it would be rich and filled with layers of flavor. Meanwhile its ugly, nasty, and most importantly, unnecessary American remake would be the stanky one that tastes impossibly stronger than it even smells.

What is more infuriating is not a single one of the changes made for "Let Me In" boost the movie positively. Altering the teasing lines of the bullies and making each of those scenes more cruel, overloading each attack with more violence, nothing helps more effectively tell the most romantic horror story I've ever seen on film.

I think the absolutely worst offense is how the subject of Abby is dealt with. Never mind the pointless name change, it's more that the character is treated more like an otherworldly monster than mortal made different by the need for blood. It's not done for any reason other than to try to juice up the scares for the new audience. And worse, it takes away something from the uniqueness of Owen (for fucks sake, Owen instead of Oskar, why? why?) and Abby's relationship. In fact, I think it's directly due to this factor, this, almost reluctance of this version to accept how the story is supposed to go, that I didn't feel Owen quite accepting Abby as deeply as he should.

Truly, it was the casting that was one of the only saving graces of this version of the film. But even then, what's really the point? Why go through this whole charade in the first place if we already have "Let the Right One In?"

So if you're asking me if I can give you a grade on "Let Me In" without considering the film it's poorly remaking. Yeah, I guess so. It'd be somewhere in the B range? It IS a very unique story. A very gripping drama that's well made.

But if you say, well, what would you give it as compared to the original, I'd say it's a narrowly passable D. You really ought to do yourself the favor and skip the games and get the good stuff.

Let Me In final grade: D-
Let the Right One In final grade: A-

Scott Pilgrim vs Everyone

Do you deliberately set out in making a cult classic? You certainly probably ought not spend gawd awful amounts of money doing so. And yet, that money is exactly what seems to be what was required to bring the frenzy fantasy world of Scott Pilgrim to life on the big screen.

Developed from a very successful comic book series, Scott Pilgrim vs The World when it hit theaters a month ago flopped. It flopped hard. Were people uninterested in Michael Cera now that he's played the same role a half dozen times?

Or was the target audience just so small, it didn't find any appeal outside of it?

I liked Scott Pilgrim for what it was: lightning fast, unique, and exceptionally witty with both its dialogue, humor, and video game references. When the 8-bit Universal theme hits, I knew I was in for something special and in that way Scott certainly didn't let me down.

However, the story and laughs only took it so far before I started feeling mighty beat up myself. See, Scott has to fight 7 evil ex's in order to win the love of Ramona Flowers. Sure, each ex fight kind of represents a level in a video game. But there are no save points when you're watching this thing in the theatre. And as quick as the thing starts, it does get bogged down toward the latter section.

I recommend Scott Pilgrim vs The World in spite of this however. But I recommend it in much the same vein I recommend Grindhouse or Speed Racer or even Josie and The Pussycats. They're just different and different doesn't come to town often.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World Final Grade: C+

My Two Dads 2.0

Hot vampire Eric's brother, Gustaf Skarsgard leads the charge in this indie-gay flick about two men who seek to adopt a kid.

Instead of getting one aged 1,5 as you can see by this sentence it's pretty easy to realize a typo gives them one aged 15 instead.

It's mostly innocent fluff, but the story adapted from a play constantly goes back to the homophobia well far too often. Adding the new pedophilia well is just icing on the cake really. Really disgusting, take you out of the moment, and slap you in the face shitty icing. And that's a shame. Because there really is a lot of stuff to like about Patrik.

Patrik himself is one of the best parts of the film. Perhaps one of the only one that does any character development, there is a lot weighing on the kid played by Thomas Ljungman. Better still, he isn't asked to do anything patently gay and indie like suddenly make out with one of his adopted dads or anything like that.

Gay films that are watchable are really hard to find. Ones that are actually good on top of that, even more of a rare breed. Patrik Aged 1,5 is just barely both. And much like Gustaf Skarsgard's character, we're so desperate, we'll take whatever we can get.

Patrik Age 1,5 Final Grade: B-

Holy fuck Inception!!!!eleven1!!

This is one of those films that divide the geeks that crave this sort of entertainment. And believe me, even those who saw it and are just outright hating on how it's put together, they secretly inside just love this movie to death.

This is a puzzle heist film set in the inner reaches of people's minds via dreams. Leo gathers a crew to attempt to do something thought impossible: plant an idea so that the person who has it, thinks it is their own. Inception.

Some of the critics who like the film, but don't think it's the masterpiece that it is, feel the characters are hollow and there is an overall lack of emotional depth. I have some theories on why that is deliberately so. But I can't really say them here without spoiling something. What I will say is that I do not agree, even if there is a good excuse if you feel that way.

But that's kind of the whole thing surrounding the movie. The end of the story can be probably woven into however you want it to be told. Sort of a Choose Your Own Adventure that can be backed up with enough of the pretzel logic. Personally, my mind was blown away, and I was literally hopping in my theater seat giddy as elements of the thing all came together.

While many films these days try to jump start a franchise, Inception IS the fucking franchise. A trilogy of film all bundled into one sleek tight ass package.

Inception final grade: A+

How to Ride Your Dragon to the Bank

Did you know this movie is still minting box office gold even in July in the second-run theaters, in spite of not being in 3D? It's probably easy peasy kid entertainment. You know those younglings will watch anything a half-dozen times. Makes it even better when the film is actually good which Dreamworks' "How to Train Your Dragon" is.

I missed it the first go round, so I didn't get to see it in 3D. I don't think I missed much though, since I was now able to focus purely on the characters and story, both of which are as lush as its animation.

Not only did every Viking have personality, so did every Dragon. And while some may harbor a bit of a complaint that it's another "misunderstanding of your enemy" and "become one with them" so soon after Avatar (especially since this was released in March on the heels of that epic film), I certainly don't mind. In fact, that and the flying sequences just make me embrace it more.

Hiccup is a hoot and Toothless will make you smile. Time is certainly running out on this long-lasting box office behemoth (nearly a half billion dollars earned worldwide) but it's worth checking it out for the first time or the fifth in the second-run theaters.

How to Train Your Dragon 2D Final Grade: A+